I’m Moving Out of the Country If

“I’m going to move out of the country if candidate X gets elected,” is possibly the most nonsensical threat one can make.

First, even though I would pay money to watch it on Pay-Per-View, no one ever follows through. Seriously, following a plane-full of Sanders voters as they flee to Caracas would make great TV, especially if they didn’t bring their own toilet paper. Or perhaps the best reality show ever: dejected Trump supporters vying to live on an island of only white angry people.


The better option is to focus on policy, not personality. Like, if the national debt hits $22 trillion, I’m moving to, well, somewhere with less debt-y. Or if Planned Parenthood loses (or gains, depending upon your bias) more than 10% of federal tax dollars, I’m moving to a country with (lots more/lots less) abortions, regardless of the fact that I speak zero foreign languages.

Think how principled you will appear to everyone on Facebook when you moved to Switzerland after the US government droned the umpteenth Muslim wedding. Sure, it’s even money that Clinton or Rubio will drone an equal number of Muslim weddings, which is exactly why you have to pick a policy, so we – forced to endure your empty threats – know exactly when to stop by for your moving-out estate sale.

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